I am not peaceful by nature. If I’m being honest, I’m probably a little bit of a disrupter. I don’t know the official word for it. I’m just making this up as I go.
I recently attended a women’s wellness group at a local yoga studio because I am a woman who could use a little more wellness in her life. I didn’t know what to expect. Because it was December and that’s a time to start looking forward and inward, we sat in a circle and thought about our intentions for the year.
I had a little journal and a cup of tea. I crossed my legs and closed my eyes and let the words flow.
balance // creativity // calm // presence // joy
The word that kept rising to the surface was peace – peace for me, peace for my kids, peace within and within my home, peace between being a mother and being a writer, peace about what it even means to be a real writer, peace I can carry with me into the world and give to people like a present.
There is not much peace in parenting, unless you’re intentional about it. In relationships, and especially within families, it’s far easier to match moods than to pause.
When my daughter has a tantrum, I have one right back. I go where she is instead of showing her what peace looks like – and presenting her with the option of meeting me there. When my husband comes home from a long trip, it can be tempting to go jump on an airplane myself. When he’s away and the days and nights seem endless, peace is the last thing I feel inside my heart. I am the opposite of peace.
But in these entirely unpeaceful moments, I want to make a conscious choice to be a source of peace for my people.
So I bought myself a bracelet with my word on it, and one for my daughter that says, “Let Your Light Shine.” (Her word is actually “self-control,” but I think shining your light sounds a lot more manageable and appealing to a five-year-old.) We’re going to work on these things together in the coming year. I haven’t asked the boys if they want to choose a word. My youngest would probably say “marshmallow.”
Long before I learned about setting intentions, I always loved New Year’s Eve. It’s my favorite holiday. When I was younger, it felt romantic. Something about the promise of a midnight’s kiss and finding true love. Now that I know what true love really looks like, I don’t need fireworks. I’ll spend my evening on the couch with my kids, eating good food and waiting for Daddy to come home from his latest trip. We’ll be lucky if we make it up past 9:00 p.m.
But there’s more to it than a TV countdown or a party downtown. The New Year feels so fresh with opportunity. And this one isn’t just a new year … it’s a new decade. When the sun shines its light on 2020, I hope I will remember my word. I hope I can embody it, from the inside out, and model it for my children and in my relationships.
Whatever it is you’re seeking more of in your life, I hope you find it this year. Maybe put a word to it. Say it out loud. Wear it on your wrist. Emblazon it on your wall. I hope you find it, or it finds you.
I’ll just be here drinking green tea and standing on my head. Not at the same time, of course.